photo of graveyard
Churchyard Cemetery
These moss-covered (technically algae-covered) headstones can be found in the cemetery behind the old Congregational Church in West Dummerston, Vermont.  Copyright by WyoJones. All rights reserved. Used with permission.

So last month I put out a call for help on how to die “right,” i.e. how to arrange our affairs gracefully and in such a way as to cause the least pain and distress for our offspring.

And I got no comments. None. Nada. Zip.

Not even from our offspring. (Interesting that.)

This leads me to believe that none of us actually know how to die properly. So I thought I’d make a list of ways to die improperly and possibly, from that list I’ll learn how to shuffle off this mortal coil with my self respect and get a decent eulogy from our offspring.

So here’s my current “plan” for dying improperly:

  1. Scatter important documents around the house and put only unimportant documents in the fire safe.
  2. Let each kid “know” that they inherit the hubs massive (and very heavy) rock collection, so they can argue later over who has to take it home with them.
  3. Leave behind guilt laden letter about how I hope they will treasure my books until they die and pass that guilt trip on to their heirs.
  4. Make sure it is as difficult as possible to manage social media accounts by hiding or otherwise obscuring passwords and log on information.
  5. Tell each heir that they get “the good stuff” in our will. There is no “good stuff,” but that will force them to go through everything.
  6. Forget to mention the storage container, so the first they know of it is when they see their stuff on Storage Wars.

Did I miss anything? If I’m going to go down in flames, I want to do it in grand style. And if the offspring are forced to occasionally read my blog… (very big grin)

You know I love comments so much that I pick a favorite to receive my monthly AnaBanana gift basket ($25 value).  Recipient is announced the first blog post of the new month.

AnaBanana logo

Perilously yours,


P.S. And while you’re thinking of ways for me to make my mark long after death, why not check out my books?

cover for Core Punch
“The evil he’s hunting is hunting them…”

Speaking of dying wrong….check out Core Punch! It’s available now!

6 Ways to Die “Wrong”

6 thoughts on “6 Ways to Die “Wrong”

  • March 9, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    Also, write your own eulogy in which you say all the things you’ve REALLY wanted to tell people for decades, and leave it with someone who loves to air the dirty laundry – nothing like having the last word!

    On the “right” side, do what my mom did. She wrote letters to all of us to be opened after her death in which she told us how much she loved us and why, plus one that the minister read at the funeral listing all the ways she’d had a wonderful life. I read them every year.
    L. E. Carmichael recently posted…Bracing for Scoliosis: It Really Does WorkMy Profile

    • March 9, 2015 at 12:59 pm

      Your mom sounds wonderful! What a lovely legacy. I have already “dealt with” all the people who annoyed me in my books. Hmmm… Maybe leave a map to where that list can be found. Written in Klingon. Lol

  • March 9, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    You forgot to mention not telling the heirs about the various loans you made to family and friends, and about that agreement you signed to leave your vehicle to a local charity. Oh, about that penciled-in change to the will that leaves grandma’ heirloom jewelry to two different jealous siblings…

    On a slightly different note, your “die messy” list should include refusing to make any provisions about the pets, or refusing to make needed house repairs, because your executor can handle that when you’re dead. That’s why you’re leaving them all that money, isn’t it?

    Carol Van Natta recently posted…Future E-reader FeaturesMy Profile

    • March 9, 2015 at 12:57 pm

      Lolol! Those are some great “evil” tips! Of course not planning to do them. Really. I wouldn’t do that. Lol

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