(I wrote this column in 1993. Thought it was interesting how some things don't change all that much.)
Dear Mom and Dad,
Jonesie bought me a Cha-Cha-Cha-Chia Pet for Christmas. No, it's not an obscure disease contracted from washing ducks. It is the quintessential gift for the holiday season, the one thing that everyone should want to own. It's a ceramic animal that you soak in water and then smear with mud and seeds. Eventually is grows a plant "coat" instead of a fur coat. Is that just too quaint for words or what?
I didn't start out wanting a Chia Pet. In fact, I thought it was pretty weird, but after being bombarded with a gazillon commercials about it on TV, I started dreaming about it and now feel I can never be happy again without my Chia Pet.
As we were preparing out Chia Pet for growth, it occurred to me that this was more than a partially animate pet. It was, quite possibly, the sumbol of change, the symbol for the New Administration, the perfect symbol to launch the Bill Clinton Presidency.
I'm not joking. This is very serious because we all know Bill is a very serious guy who deserves a serious symbol for his Change Administration. I can't think of anything better for his symbol than a Chia Pet.
Now stay with me and think about it and you'll see what I mean. The Chia is an Economic Symbol. You pay money for the thing, thereby stimulating our sluggish economy (it was stagnating, but the election is over so now its merely sluggish), and ensuring the continuing employment of an oppressed minority in California (who Bill will apologize to later). It's not just a hunk of clay and seeds. It's jobs. It's roofs over workers heads and food on their tables.
And its environmentally sound. Its photosynthesis. Its a carbon dioxide-oxygen exchanging piece of pottery. It's Al Gore's finest hour--as long as I keep it out of the draft.
And, as the piece de resistance, its "something for everyone." Not only does this highly symbolic item come in a variety of shapes (dog, lam, turtle, bear, horse), there is a tree variety for the anti-exploitation of animal brigade. Chia is also available as an herb garden. This improves the environment and your pasta.
Economy. Environment. Change. Something for everyone. Chia Pet. It resonates with rightness for the time and the hour. And I hear they are debuting a donkey Chia next year.
Get yours now. Supplies are limited.
Love,
pj
P.S. Its a good thing the Clinton's have a cat. Dog's are Chia's worst nightmare.
© 1993 Pauline Baird Jones All rights reserved.
A version of this column first appeared in The Lovell Chronicle, 21 Jan 1993.