Dear Mom and Dad,
Well, it's that Party Mardi Gras time again. Everyone is dusting off their ladders (for elevation to catch throws) and staking out turf along established parade routes. But the big questions is always: what will the Throw of Throws be this year?
The Throw of Throws is that extras special something, that something more than beads and plastic cups that are standard fare. What is the one Throw that will everyone will want to take home this year?
Underwear reigned supreme for several years, evolving from over-the-jeans wear to head gear. You haven't lived until you've seen a grown man with a pair of purple bikini underpants on his head. But I'm afraid that trend has pretty well topped out.
Last year The Throw was plastic pig snouts. I wonder how they'll be able to top that? It's the most interesting throw, in my opinion, since coconuts were ruled dangerous by radical elements partially made up of insurance companies. (How can a throw be a throw if its handed off the float? Wouldn't that make it a Hand?)
I understand that some of the people who managed to catch a pig snout have had them set in Lucite or bronzed to preserve the memory for discovery in some distant century by archaeologist in search of clues to the nature of our civilization. And some people said that only our garbage will be left to tell our story. Obviously people without a pig snout.
Of course, if our City Council has their way, there won't be pig snouts or any other throws. One of them got the bright idea that Mardi Gras isn't politically correct. Well, duh! They aren't trying to stop throwers from asking throw-ees to show body parts to get beads. Apparently its about discrimination.
You can imagine what the d-word did to our City Council. They quickly passed an anti-discrimination ordinance, because politicians hate discrimination in other people. It never occurred to them that they might be committing political suicide.
What they failed to do, was correctly assess this city's commitment to their party. It's fun and fun is the measuring stick by which all things are measured.
That's why David Duke did so well at first. He's fun, well fun-ny. Until he decided he wanted to be governor and threatened our sports. No fun. Duke had to go.
If its not fun, hey, go ahead and make it illegal, but if its fun, leave it alone. We gave up our coconuts because of a bunch of humorless guys, but don't mess with our pig snouts! Hello, Mardi Gras is about not being correct.
Even the discriminated got mad at our Council. I think the Times-Picayunne political cartoonist, Walt Handelsman summed it up best with this question and answer:
"Q. How many council members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
"A. Seven. One to hold the bulb and six to spin the city around and around..."
love,
pj
© 1993 Pauline Baird Jones All rights reserved.