That’s what’s missing from my life! Minions!

I had an aha moment while cruising my newsfeed on Facebook, a realization that something critical is missing from my life.


I don’t long to be a Despicable Me, but would I have to be to have my own minions? Think of all one could do if one had minions–not to mention the things one would not have to do, like housework. And a swarm of minions would grocery shop much faster than I could. One might worry about the outcome of such shopping but proper minions would learn one’s tastes quickly, or they can’t be called “minion,” now could could they?

Is there a place where minions are trained? An employment agency? Though…one doesn’t pay minions, does one? And how are they fed? Do they eat scraps from the table and do we have enough scraps to feed a swarm? Cause I’d want a swarm. Just a few minions would be sad. Maybe if I was a vampire or a mad scientist, one minion would do it, because the lack of numbers would be made up by other powers, evil over-Lordishness, and such. But I’d definitely want/need a swarm of minions.

There are other good reasons to have a swarm if one desires to be a good minion, over lord. They’d need vacations, days off, time to catch a movie. So I’d need a few minions to do the minion schedule, minion maintenance and so forth.

If I had minions, I wouldn’t have to worry about the minions, or other minor details. I could concentrate on large issues, like World Peace and committing better fictional mayhem. And I’d never run out of Diet Dr. Pepper or Junior Mints.

Is there a downside to minions? Since I don’t have any, it is need to know. Anyone with minion experience willing to share basic minion factoids? If you had minions, what would you have them do? Would you opt for the evil or benevolent minion plan? These minions don’t actually do minion stuff, but they are very cute:

Steampunk Minions from Joseph Drust

pauline baird jones, author, writer, romantic suspense author, science fiction romance author, humor, steampunk, minions
Big Mama Minion would be in charge of my other minions. (Check out Durst’s other steampunk minions. So cute!)

So what’s your take on minions? Please share because I love comments, and because of my love of comments, I I have a monthly drawing for those who comment. At stake is a $10 gift card of awesomeness to the amazing AnaBanana’s Bath and Body Treats. Her Zombie Zoaps are hilarious and they make your zombies smell better. Winner will be announced in my Sept 3rd blog post, but be sure to leave an email addy, too. :-)

pauline baird jones, author, writer, romantic suspense author, science fiction romance author, humor, minions, contest

Perilously yours,


If I had Minions…

14 thoughts on “If I had Minions…

  • September 5, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Whenever you find any be good and share 🙂

    • September 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm

      I promise if I find a good source of minions, I will share! LOL!

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  • August 22, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    I think I’ll go with Rosie the House-Robot from the Jetson’s; and an Alice clone from The Brady Bunch. So much more loyal than minions, IMHO. Plus they already know how to cook, clean, and shop, plus they can deal with teenagers. Then I’d have even more free time to lounge on the couch reading French romances and eating dirty bonbons. Or is that the other way round? Hmmm.

    BTW, children DO NOT make good minions. By the time you get them all trained and behaving, they get married and move away. Such a waste of time and talent. But then they start producing grand-minions that you can corrupt and send home to torment their parents. Grandchildren make good evil minions. Yes.

    • August 23, 2012 at 6:26 pm

      Oh, Rosie would be awesome! But for good coverage, I’d need more than one. LOL! And yes, children leave just when they get really competent at doing things. Looking forward to grandchildren!

  • August 21, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I know people who have minions – they call them children. 🙂

    I have dogs, but they tend to think of me as the minion. I understand cats are even worse. Maybe a few hamsters would serve as minions. No, they’re too short to do laundry.

    • August 23, 2012 at 6:25 pm

      LOLOL, Doug! But they grow up and leave just when they get useful! Yes, cats consider humans their minions/slaves. One really needs other worldly creatures to get really good minions. (grin)

  • August 21, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Whenever a political pollster calls, I’d have them answer and talk back to the pollster in Russian. After the appropriate number of silences, they’d then rant at the caller in English for not being able to speak Russian.

  • August 20, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    I am one of the few people in the universe NOT to have seen “Despicable Me,” but this week I spent a week on the Cape with extended family…and the subject of minions came up over and over again! Count me in! I NEED minions! (Are they truly trainable? Or do they just do whatever favor they feel like doing for you?)

    • August 20, 2012 at 10:58 pm

      It took me a while to see it, actually. LOL! I suspect that evil minions are in because they are afraid of the evil overlord and for pillaging opportunities, so there is some concern they could be turned to good, but if we used the mom voice…? (grin)

  • August 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I want minions! They could do all the laundry (as long as they learn to sort properly) and dishes. They could wash the dogs and the cars. They would have to be just like the Tom, Larry, Fred, Jerry, etc., minions of the movies, because my kids would insist. 🙂 Love this idea, Pauline! Count me in!

    • August 20, 2012 at 10:56 pm

      I don’t know why minions aren’t on everyone’s list, when you think about it. I mean, minions. They are so useful and you don’t have to be evil, just focused. (grin)

  • August 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    I’d love to have minions. They could take care of the forbidding castle I’d live in, polish my mad-science equipment, and scare away salesmen and Jehovah’s Witnesses. When I got bored, I’d have them put on a talent show. That would be awesome.

    • August 20, 2012 at 10:57 pm

      Totally love your minion plans! Awesome covers it! 🙂

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