Pauline Baird Jones, author, writer, romantic suspense author, science fiction romance author, girl gone nova, project enterprise series
One of my darling nieces coined this phrase soon after an unfortunate intersection occurred between her gastic system and a nasty virus, resulting in the repeated hurling of her cookies. Now during said hurling, she would have been happy to die, but once survival was assured, she decided that’s not the way she wanted to go.
That got me thinking. Of course I don’t want to die, but it will happen eventually and on consideration, there are some ways that I really, really don’t die.
There are all kinds of bucket lists — things people want to do before they die, but here’s my “How Not to Kick the Bucket” top ten:
1. Any situation where I can be discovered without clothes. Like falling in the shower. I know “things” will happen after death. Don’t want to think about or know what those “things” might be. Just want to die with my clothes on.
2. Killer bee attack. Or any bug attack. Anyone else see the movie with the unrelenting killer army ants? Nightmare time. So, no bugs until I’m completely dead.

3. While I’m not opposed to wearing a feather boa, I do not want to be choked to death by a boa constrictor. Not as rare as you might think. When we lived in New Orleans where a guy died by “pet” boa constrictor. In an odd coincidence, New Orleans was where I also first conceived an interest in wearing a feather boa.

4. Do not want to get eaten by the Mega Shark or the Crocosaurus. Don’t want to ever see that movie again either. It is a fast tracker for Mystery-Science Theater 3000. Now had I been IN the movie, I would have wanted to die quickly. Probably have been the bad dialogue, horribly delivered that would have killed me first.
5. I do not want to get mauled or partially eaten a bear: black, grizz or polar. (This will not be a shock to my family who are aware of my “bear-mares.”)
6. I do not want to get sucked out of air lock. I all admit that this a long shot, since I write fictional space travel. But if #7 were to happen, well, the air lock might look good.
7. I do not want to be alien dinner entree. If the aliens don’t come in peace, but for the human buffet, I would rather die in the initial bombardment.
8. Global melt-down or global heat-up is not my way to go. Don’t like being too hot or too cold, so wouldn’t like to die either way.
9. Any accident that leaves me stranded in a hostile environment where I have to survive by my “wits.” Yeah, the wits would be the first thing to go.

10. Zombie attack. Tis is an odd one, because I don’t want my brains eaten, but I also don’t want to survive a zombie apocalypse (see above).

So, on this bright sunny (in this hemisphere) day, what’s on your “how not to kick the bucket” list? What’s your worst or favorite way not to kick the bucket?

I love comments so much that I pick a favorite to receive my monthly AnaBanana gift basket ($25 value).  Recipient is announced the first blog post of the new month.

 Perilously yours,
cover for Kicking AshePerilous Pauline is actually Pauline Baird Jones. While she doesn’t want to kick the bucket, she has no problem kicking the fictional buckets of her characters. In her latest book, there is also a lot of Kicking Ashe. For more information about her or her books, visit her website. 
Perilous P’s “How Not to Kick the Bucket” List

10 thoughts on “Perilous P’s “How Not to Kick the Bucket” List

  • June 27, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    Ha ha – kids the world over must think alike because my 9 year old son once asked me the exact same bear/shark death preference question!! My preference would be bear – I’d rather be dinner for something that at least looks cute.
    Other ways not to go – wouldn’t fancy being impailed on something much. Death by stoning would most likely suck too.
    Fortunately both fairly unlikely options…….I hope

    • July 2, 2012 at 4:49 pm

      LOLOL! It’s the transition from not lunch to lunch that I’d find troubling! Do NOT want to get eaten while conscious. LOL!

  • June 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    I had a conversation with my 8 year old son about this topic. He asked me if I’d rather be killed by a shark or a bear. I said shark because I imagine it would be pretty quick and I’d drown. A bear would probably rip me arm off and I wouldn’t die immediately. I lived in Colorado on a mountain and we had quite a few black bears in our yard and on our deck. They’re not particularly friendly when they’re hungry.

  • June 22, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Life is a terminal condition, Pauline. We all know that, somewhere within our beings, but many of us refuse to admit to it. Yours is a great list and I’d agree with all of them. I’d prefer to avoid any method that involves drawn out pain and suffering. I am allergic to pain and suffering. A clean shot to the head would be OK, but to die in my sleep would be preferred – and with my PJs on.

  • June 22, 2012 at 1:28 am

    The blog is looking great Pauline. It makes mine look bland!

    • June 22, 2012 at 1:37 am

      Many thanks for taking a look, Ryan. 🙂 Yours looks quirky! And it suits poetry, I think. I’m no graphic designer. LOL! But it kind of looks like a poetry book? Does that make sense?

  • June 22, 2012 at 1:07 am

    The blog is looking great, Pauline. I also don’t want to be eaten by anything!

  • June 22, 2012 at 1:17 am

    Many thanks for taking a look, Denise! Yeah, getting eaten would totally suck. LOL!

  • June 19, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Death by closet is not something I considered, but should definitely be added to a list and yeah, lightning! LOL!

  • June 19, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    I would prefer not to die in an embarrassing way! Say, getting struck by lightening while on the toilet! Or choking to death trying to eat a taco while driving! Or getting killed by my closet – which actually almost happened! Too much stuff and the hardware gave out and my goods came crashing in on me. I managed to escape with only a couple of bumps but who knows what part of the house will attack me next? These are just a few of mine!

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